Healing After Denouncing Greek Life

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Welcome back to The Sacred Greeks Podcast, where faith and Greek life meet at the crossroads. I’m Dr. Lyman Montgomery, and I’m sittin’ here as always with Janet—my wisdom partner in all things sacred and sorority. Janet, you ready to dive deep today?

Janet

Oh, I’m ready, Lyman. I got my sweet tea right here, my devotional open, and a whole lotta prayers for folks who need ‘em. Today’s topic hits home for a lot of folks—denouncing Greek life and all the weight that comes with that decision, right?

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Absolutely. You know, in the last few episodes, we talked a lot about leveraging your letters, challenging that myth you can’t be Greek and Christian, and really reclaiming sacred ground within these organizations. But there’s another side. Some folks—despite all the conversations, despite years invested—they feel a personal conviction from God to step away entirely from their fraternity or sorority. And, Janet, you and I both know that isn’t just a simple “hey, I’m out.”

Janet

No sir, it’s not simple at all. I mean, leaving a sorority or fraternity—it ain’t just leavin’ a club. You leavin’ behind traditions, friendships, sometimes even family. I remember my line sister, we’ll call her “A”, she struggled so hard. Publicly she’d say, “I’m at peace, y’all.” Privately? Tears, lost sleep, so much second-guessin’ herself. At church, she worried folks would look at her like she was rebellious. But in Zeta, it broke her heart to disappoint the women who helped her grow up in faith and service. It’s messy, Lyman.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Yeah, and you hit something—this isn’t about running from people. Often, it’s about chasing after what you feel God’s tugging you toward. I’ve had countless conversations with folks—men and women, Sigma and Zeta, Alpha Phi Alpha, you name it—and they always describe this tension: wanting God’s peace but feeling guilt, confusion, even isolation. External pressures are real too—sometimes it’s church folks telling you, “That’s not of God,” and other times your frat brothers or sorors sayin’, “How could you leave us?”

Janet

Whew, the word “betrayal” comes up, doesn’t it? Folks get stuck in that whirlwind. Sometimes you don’t even know if it’s God, or just people shouting so loud you think it must be. Where was I goin’ with this? Oh—sometimes, denouncement comes from deep pain that lingers too long, and the only way they know to heal is to step away, take off those letters, and just try to hear His voice again.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

That’s true. And for some, that step took everything they had. Leaving doesn’t always look pretty—sometimes it’s messy, sometimes it’s lonely. You’re right, Janet, this journey is as emotional as it is spiritual, and the heartbreak is real.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

So with all that, let’s shift for a second. What does the Bible really say about losing a community, stepping away from something you gave your heart to, and finding yourself in that in-between place? A lot of us are lookin’ for scripture that says, “Thou shalt denounce,” or “Thou shalt remain,” but the Word addresses the heart, doesn’t it? Grief, change, even that identity crisis.

Janet

For sure. One of my favorite places to go in scripture, when I’m feelin’ all tore up, is the Psalms. Cause sometimes, you don’t need answers, you just need to know God sees your heartbreak. Psalm 34:18—“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” I’ve clung to that, and I know a lot of our listeners have too. Losing a sense of belonging can make you feel invisible, but God’s not far off just ‘cause you changed your mind, or felt led to leave.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Mmm, amen to that. And you know, when I was wrestling—years back—over whether being part of Phi Beta Sigma was keeping me close to God or pulling me away, I kept bringing my fears to the Word. I was lookin’ for lightning bolts, but what I got was…gentleness. Comfort. Just like in that Sacred Greeks article, “Are BGLOs Sinful?”—the goal isn’t to argue someone into your camp, but to calm the heart. You can walk away with grace, not bitterness.

Janet

Can I just say, Lyman, I love that you bring that up. We get so busy tryin’ to prove our point, we forget to acknowledge the pain and confusion. It’s like—sometimes God gives clarity, but other times it’s just comfort for the mourning. Whether you’re the one leavin’ or you the one watchin’ your friend go, the Bible says “mourn with those who mourn.” That’s ministry right there.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

That’s right. And you don’t have to change someone’s mind, but you can point them toward healing, toward restoration. For listeners wondering, “What now?”—maybe your Bible’s the best place to start. Even if you don’t have the map, you’re not alone while you walk it.

Janet

Lyman, you know what I love about this podcast—Sacred Greeks is a space for everybody. Whether you still reppin’ your letters or you packed ‘em away, we don’t judge. It’s about coming together, askin’ honest questions, then invitin’ God to work through our confusion and our hope. And I seen it—former sorors findin’ new life leadin’ church ministries, brothers steppin’ into nonprofit work. God makes room for all of us.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Could not agree more, Janet. This podcast, and even spaces like Sacred Greeks Skool, are where we drop pretenses and just talk. Sometimes closure starts with a conversation like this—sometimes it’s prayer, journaling, even pickin’ up a book like Sacred, Not Sinful. Sometimes healing means reaching out to folks who understand your journey, or just being gentle with yourself as you process.

Janet

Let me tell you, the most powerful thing I seen? Women who walked away from Zeta, they didn’t walk away from God. I seen them step up in youth ministry, become prayer warriors, stand in the gap for other women. And I seen some walk back—not to resume old routines, but to share what they learned, encourage those still there, and love on folks in a way they couldn’t before. Healing don’t look the same for everybody, and that’s alright.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

You said it, Janet. No matter what your story is—returning, reconnecting, or just resting—what matters is letting the Spirit guide you, not fear or shame. We hope today’s conversation helps you know: you are not an outsider, you’re still called. Start with Psalm 34:18, maybe check out “Are BGLOs Sinful?”, and just take the next step with courage. Hey, we’ll be back next time to keep diggin’ into real talk at the crossroads of faith and Greek life. Janet, as always, I appreciate your wisdom.

Janet

Thank you, Lyman—you know I love you, brother. To everyone listening, wherever this finds you, God’s got grace for your story. Y’all stay encouraged, all right? We’ll talk soon!